In today’s video I’m sharing how to gain the confidence to be assertive and authentic, and how to achieve the mindset to LOVE YOURSELF by taking action and stepping out of your comfort zone to learn a new skill-set.
So many people struggle speaking to people.
I want to help you speak more assertively and with more confidence.
Before talking about practical things, when it comes to speaking and communication, I want to talk about mindset.
Here’s what I know. When your mindset isn’t right and your foundation isn’t right, then you can do all the practical tips all day long, but you will just end up running in place. It will be a constant thing that you struggle with because if we are not transformed by the renewing of our minds, then we don’t change the way we think or the way we believe, and we don’t set ourselves up for success. This isn’t just about behavior modification, this is about changing ourselves from the inside out.
There are 2 belief systems that you have to have when it comes to being confident and speaking assertively. I believe these are necessary mindset shifts we need in order to change.
Belief System #1 You have to believe you are capable of becoming a confident person.
“I am a confident woman.”
When you look at yourself in the mirror or when you think about yourself and who you are, is the first thing you think of I’m not good enough?
Is the first thing you think about the negative?
I want you to believe in your heart that you are a confident person. You have to believe in your heart that you can learn new things.
Here’s the deal we will never repeatedly do what we don’t believe we are.
Communicating and being confident has got to be a belief system that you’ve got in your heart and mind. Those 2 have to be in alignment.
Being a confident woman is your identity, and it is a part of who you are. We have got to believe that about ourselves before we repeatedly do things that line up with that.
For some of you this will be a game changer. In your life, some of you have tried so hard with behavior modification to do certain things, to try new things, and learn something new but you don’t believe that it is a part of your identity. You feel instead like you’re a poser or you are faking it till you make it.
What if we reverse engineered all of that?
Now you a going to do things always from a place of identity.
The first step is you have got to believe that you are a confident person and you can communicate assertively. It has got to be a belief system of your identity.
Belief System #2 Confidence and assertiveness is a skill-set.
Confidence is a skill-set. It is a belief system in your mind and also a skill-set you practice.
Whether people think it is something you are born with or not, it is a skill set.
When it comes to communication and speaking assertively, it is something you have got to learn.
So many people have used the label introvert, shy, and socially awkward as an identity or an excuse to not actually learn social and people skills.
If you want to be successful in life you have got to learn some skill sets. You have to always be growing, investing in yourself, and adapting. If we are not growing we are not going anywhere and we are stuck.
You’ve got to learn a new skill set, practice it, and take action. The more you take action, the more you fail, and the more you will learn.
We have got to be real with ourselves and say, “What am I actually believing to be true about who I am?” “What am I actually believing to be true about my identity?”
If you want to be successful you will need leadership skills, business skills, and social skills.
We are not really seeing each other in our current culture, we are not communicating, and we are always on our phones.
One thing that builds confidence more than anything is ACTION.
Let’s get into some of the practical stuff.
One of the skills that I learned as a former police officer, is presencing. That is your first line of defense when you are dealing with a threat.
How do you position yourself, and how do you carry yourself?
Body language is so important.
Are you carrying yourself with authority?
I want you to carry yourself as the queen that you are. What does that look like for you? What it doesn’t’ look like is that you are hiding from the world.
You can be comfortable and at ease with your strength and at rest with your power.
As women we typically struggle with overthinking and stewing on a certain topic and we struggle with people pleasing and appearing nice at all times. We want everyone to like us, and this can get in the way of our confidence.
It is inauthentic.
Tip #1 I want you to check yourself and your body language and carry yourself as the queen that you are.
I want you to make eye contact and smile, and come from a place of relaxed intensity. You don’t need anyone’s approval or validation.
Tip #2 Be yourself and be authentic. Love yourself, flaws and all!
This is really important when you are leading and communicating assertively. We think leadership means to be masculine and dominant, and even I have made that mistake. Your femininity is important and you can lead by femininity. You don’t have to act like a guy to lead.
Assertive doesn’t mean dominating or controlling, it means that you have that relaxed intensity and you have boundaries.
It’s important to be authentic, and be you.
Some of us don’t like ourselves and feel like we need to act like someone else to lead and, the truth is you don’t. Learn your own leadership style.
Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.
Tip #3 You’ve got to let go of the need to be liked, validated, and have the approval of others.
It has been indoctrinated in us at a young age to live for the approval of man, and we feel like we are never good enough.
You’ve got to know your worth and not live for the approval of man because you will die from the approval of man.
Never let the opinion, words, judgment, or criticism of anyone else affect how you see yourself. The only way it can happen is if you allow them to.
Never let another human being have the control to make your confidence or self-esteem plumate.
Some of you need to take your power back.
You’ve got to let go of what people think, and what they say if they don’t like you.
We have got to walk in our authority and the calling that God has on our life.
Another thing we tend to do is take things personally. We have got to STOP making everything personal.
When you starting thinking and living in the place of needing to be needed, and validated, and liked, and have the approval of everyone, you start a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You are actually thinking like a victim, and this self-fulfilling prophecy starts happening because you are bringing it to the table where ever you go.
We need to always ask God, “Do I live for your approval, or am I living from this worth as a child of God?” “Or am I hustling for approval and my worth?”
You have got to be in alignment with who you are and where your worth comes from.
Tip #4 Practice speaking, it is a skill set.
Just be you and love you, and let go of the need to be validated by others.
There is power and there is love, as a woman you have to own that and embrace that.
Be mindful of the scenarios you are playing in your head, and visualize a positive scenario. Expect the best. When the best case scenario doesn’t come, then learn from it and try not let it shake your confidence, move forward.